Ok maybe I am a whining s.o.b and maybe I over react sometimes. Perhaps I’m just passionate. Or simply inexperienced when it comes to relationships. Or all of the above. Forgive my rants.
la parisienne and I met, went for a long walk (she wanted to meet in a cafe first but I’d rather kill myself than talk relationship details in a public place) and talked. Honestly, it felt really good. I only asked of her two things: 1) that if she falls in love with someone she’ll tell me so I won’t have to hear it on the grapevine – I promised her to do the same, 2) that she respects the fact that she broke my heart and acts accordingly when we happen to meet out, since our social circles overlap significantly. Initially, she had some trouble understanding what I meant but when I explained she agreed that this wasn’t bad ideas.
So I told her about Barbie. Actually she recently received some info about this, which surprised me. I mean, the woman’s been back one week and is already into the gossip. And moreover, so am I. She’d heard about it from a mutual friend of ours, and a colleague of Barbie’s, who had seen the two of us together one day. Well what can you do? Someone will always find out. And it is definitely not my thing to keep things secret (I did that with Selfish Engaged Bitch and have since concluded that it’s demeaning if only one wants to do it).
The thing with la parisienne is that she has never been broken up with. Let me say that again, she’s never had her heart broken. Dating her, I broke one of my cardinal rules. After Scottish Lass, I’d sworn not to date someone so inexperienced. They will treat you like a fouryearold who rips off the legs of an insect because it doesn’t understand the meaning of life and death.
So when I told la parisienne that I am experiencing problems connecting emotionally with Barbie because of the news of la parisienne’s return as I’m still emotionally tied to her, she didn’t understand. Actually she said she couldn’t understand how the fact that a relationship had just ended, with you as the losing party, could affect your ability to start something new. I was truly surprised but again it just further underlined my impression that la parisienne is a kid.
In November we broke up on the phone. Seeing her over Christmas made me realise that we’d not really broken up and that I still nurtured a hope and a wish that we’d get back together. Seeing her yesterday – regardless of what I wrote below in my late night drunken depressed and shocked-at-seeing-her rant – made me realise that I have, finally, put her behind me.
Friends, I feel like I’m about to start something wonderful with Barbie and I won’t allow anything to hinder it. The road ahead is empty, perhaps just wet from the rain that fell last night, and now glistening with hope and promise in the morning sun. I see it’s dark, confident and safe surface before me and how it undulates over the green landscape. I’m just dying to see where it leads and what will happen along the way. Imagine, all along the only thing missing was a talk with la parisienne.
Thanks for reading.
7 comments
Comments feed for this article
March 25, 2007 at 12:36 pm
sammy
hooray
March 26, 2007 at 11:02 am
copasetic fish
good for you!
March 26, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Venting
That’s great! It’s good that you got the closure that you needed from la parisienne to really move on with Barbie.
March 27, 2007 at 2:29 pm
LondonGirl
I’m delighted that you seem to have finally put la parisienne behind you. Perhaps a painful process, but necessary, I’m sure you’ll agree.
March 30, 2007 at 9:37 pm
DG
Here’s a heads up – she’s going to fall for someone else and you’ll probably have at least one occasion where you’ll run into each other and you’ll get your feelings hurt. There, that ought to save you a lot of heartache and give you the bandwidth to enjoy what you have going with Barbie!
No, seriously, I had an identical conversation once. Ok, not identical exactly, but similar. A post-breakup-hurt-party-making-rules-conversation. My requests were the same. Know what I found out? When he told me he’d fallen in love with someone it hurt every bit as much as if I’d heard it through the grapevine. Maybe more ’cause he was so damn nice about it. When I ran into him in public he was charming and thoughtful and every bit understanding that I was the damaged party. Know how that worked out? I alternated between missing him and being really, really, pissed off he’d been such a tool when we were together when he was obviously quite capable of being a decent guy.
No matter what you ask and what she does, the pain and grief of the end of a relationship will be there. Asking her to jump through hoops for you – no matter how small – only keeps a bond between you. A rational structure to reflect the emotions that remain. If you really are ready to let go, let go without rules. If you’re not, then accept that feelings are feelings and it takes time for them to fade, no matter how much you mind is ready to move on.
April 6, 2007 at 9:06 am
adventure boy
Thanks peeps and apologies for the absence. And especially thanks to DG. I know that’s the reality and you know what, in hindsight the talk we had was just that. Plus an opportunity for me to tell her that I had found someone else. A bit of revenge has never killed anyone…
April 10, 2007 at 5:37 pm
DG
Not to mention how nice it is to ask someone to jump through a few hoops and find out they will. Call it vindictive, but there is a kind of satisfaction to it!
Now when she runs into you, you aren’t going to give two hoots what she does but she’ll have a few eggshells to step on before realising you’re all about Barbie.